Who farted?
- Thread starter AJ
- Start date
Z
Z-licious
Guest
ok I'll fess up. That was me.
J
JustROLLIN
Guest
I just received an email about farting/pooping at work the other day... I will try to find it and post it. It was all about the etiquette and tricks you can use. LOL.
Z
Z-licious
Guest
When people run out of the bathroom with tears in their eyes, you know you've done your job.
StealthSpeed3
Charge THIS!!
elevator+taco bell the night before = pleasant experience for the next person who uses that elevator. bonus when i do it at work 
http://www.picklequeen.com/farts.htm NSFW possibly!
enclosed fart n any fart released in an enclosed space, ie car or elevator. Can be responsible
for the sudden onset of claustraphobia in others
http://www.picklequeen.com/farts.htm NSFW possibly!
enclosed fart n any fart released in an enclosed space, ie car or elevator. Can be responsible
for the sudden onset of claustraphobia in others
D
DrWebster
Guest
I don't remember where I found this:
Dump at Work Survival Guide
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee,
do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing
next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No
one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left
the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of
the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up
the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY
FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for
the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor
the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that
the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in,
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus.
Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include hairs, stains and streaks. Avoid
CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each
particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can
become a SAFE HAVEN.
Dump at Work Survival Guide
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee,
do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing
next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No
one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left
the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of
the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up
the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY
FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for
the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor
the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you
will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that
the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.
This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in,
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus.
Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include hairs, stains and streaks. Avoid
CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each
particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can
become a SAFE HAVEN.
StealthSpeed3
Charge THIS!!
since the previously posted link is a branch off of a nsfw site here is the fart dictionary
The Unabridged Dictionary of Farts Slang
Over 160 fart slang terms
A
afterburner n See "burnout"
air biscuit n as in "Who launched an air biscuit?"
air blast n A powerful fart that when released, makes only a loud "whoosh" sound
air buffet n Like an air biscuit, but hangs around a long time and may be
revisited many times.
air tulip n the kind of fart done by the Queen or Penelope Keith
arse cruncher n your bum crunches shut suddenly after this one
ass rumble n the ominous noise inside your body before a fart lets fly
assasination n dropping a silent one in a crowded room and getting someone else
to take the blame thus killing their street credibility.
B
Balloon fart n you know when you blow up a balloon
and then pull the neck out so the air escapes with a long squealing shriek?
Some people can do this with their bum!!
Ball tearer n more ferocious than the nut knocker q.v.
Barking Spider n The instrument through which the fart issues
Barn burner n farmyard favorite, synonymous with cow sheds
beefer n a long juicy fart with plenty of side orders
bender n when you bend over, the bowel is compressed and any fart lurking
is instantly and noisily expelled
B.P n Bad Patrol - from the gas generated by fear during military combat
Big Stinky, The n When your grandpa farts
blazer n ideal for lighting, although you didn't hear that from us
blowing heat n rather like packing heat, as in carrying a gun,
with intent to do harm
blow off n typical juvenile fart
blow your horn v quite timely of musical connotation,
Begins in Forte and slowly diminishes
blupper n when you let out a fart very slowly to be able to hear every single
clap that your bum makes
boa's belch n when your colon becomes so full of gas that it takes on a life of it's own.
Often likened to a boa-constrictor with a full belly.
The resulting burp is long and very satisfying
Boom n, BOOM!!!
botty burp n loud but of short duration.
breather n feels like a big one but upon release simply exhales
a small amount of air like a sigh
breezer n large and silent, makes curtains move, not to be confused
with the popular Barcardi drink
Bronx Cheer n farting in a rough New York bar while singing 'Maria'
from West Side Story
brown pants fart n leaves a brown spot on your pants. Judging by the number
of people who submit farts 'when you do a bit of poo in your pants'
I feel we can no longer ignore this phenomenon.
buddy n a rapid firing, bumpy fart, sounds great on a wooden chair
bum blower n we have it on good authority that this like a doorbell gone wrong
(and not in any way related to any other bottom activity)
burnout n so hot and long it fries it's own follow through (afterburner)
butt burp n American for Botty Burp qv
butt buster n actually inflicts pain as it passes
butt flapper n occurs in those with unusually loose bum cheeks
bvoy n good ferts (we embrace farts of all nations)
C
cabbage fart n sensory hell
cannon fart n and I quote, "this is a fart when your fart shoots out your crap like a cannon,"
carpet slipper n Old ladies who let one on the sly and pretend they can't smell a thing
carpet stainer v a fart so colorful it leaves a stain on your shag pile
cheek flapper n when your mudflaps go flappa-flappa-flappa
Chemist's Fart n presumably they do and when it happens it probably smells like
some kind of mad experiment
chuff v to blow smoke from one's arse al la Thomas the Tank Engine
Church fart n in church or chapel, let it rattle
Clean But Itchy adv the effects from a good feed of Guiness, (we are guessing
this one came from Ireland where they know a good thing when they feel it!)
Cockney cheers n Farting in a crowded public house whilst singing 'Knees up Mother Brown'
code blue n so pungent the victim requires emergency resuscitation
cop fart n a) fart dropped in a patrol car at the end of the shift
just before the next cop gets in b) a fart heard in the
middle of court and every cop in the courtroom snickers cos they know who did it
coughing fart n cough to cover up a bad fart. see kachoo
country cough n best done in the open air, preferably near a farm yard
covered wagon n see 'Dutch Oven' qv
crap a fart v follow through of the worst kind, you don't wanna do this
crop dusting v silently passing gas while walking past others then quickly
vacating the area leaving the others to suffer the ill consequences
cushion creeper n emitted whilst the posterior is seated on the sofa.
The sound can be defined as a walrus being suffocated by a 20 year old feather pillow
cut a walnut v mmmm, just like biting into a crisp walnut, and fulsome too
cut the cheese v as in smelling as bad as a ripe camembert
D
dog fart v to fart in the vicinity of a dog, thus being able to blame the hapless canine
dribbly n quite a scary fart, this one, due to the chance your Mum will find the evidence
drop dead fart v the opposite of Drop Dead Gorgeous
drop your guts v to smell this is to know the meaning of fear
duck tread v to have such loose control that with every step a distinct quack can be heard
Dutch Oven n to fart in bed and then push your partner under the covers
to enjoy the atmosphere
duvet lifter n an early morning fart capable of raising 13 sheets
E
eggberter n eggy, mmmm, oh so eggy!
enclosed fart n any fart released in an enclosed space, ie car or elevator. Can be responsible
for the sudden onset of claustraphobia in others
F
fahrt n German word - literally means 'it goes' therefore applied to Continental farts
fanny fart n loud emission 'phrrrts' from your front botty
fart v.i. (vulg.) Emit wind from anus. ~ n. (vulg.) Emmision of wind from anus.
fartaholic n someone who thinks day and night about farts.
Admitting you have problem is halfway to solving it.
fartattack n fart after fart after fart. Nasty.
fartcar n someone who is filled up with gas and destroys the ozone layer
when the fumes exit the 'car'
fartknocker n someone who is very proud of their farts
fartorama n Some kind of museum of farts which attracts vistors with
the following catchy ditty:
'If you got a Fart, Bring it right here, We love to hear, Anytime of the year'
feather fart n light and tickly, this one gives you the power of flight
fire in the hole adj. hot wind after a plate of extra-hot burritos
Flatulent adj. Generating gas or air in the alimentary canal; caused by,
attended with, troubled with, accumulation of this; (fig.) inflated, puffed
up, windy, pretentious.
Flatulence v. Flatulently adv.
Flatus n Gas, air, in stomach, or bowel.
floorboard lifter n can actually draw nails from planks
flotch n don't even think about doing the Tide challenge after this one
fluid drive n wet result of trying to fart too hard (or trying too hard to fart)
fluffy n particulary feminine fart, silent but ticklish
flutter blast v fart so powerful it is capable of blowing away small animals or children.
fog horn n, very loud fart capable of confusing oil tankers 20 miles out
follow through v Loud wet raspberry sound followed by a swift squirt into ones pants,
Not recommended whilst suffering from diarrhea
freep v The pathetic little fart that sounds like a trimphone (trimline or princess phone).
frit v tight nylon panties, plastic office chair
G
gas n the substance a fart is composed of, and that's more information than you really need!
gale force wind n weatherman's favorite, blows away wigs and lays the nation low
great big flowery woof woof v An on stage performance by a theatre 'Lovey'.
greaser n leaves an oily residue
guff v a relaxed release of wind, often whilst in good company.
gusse v to fart whilst suffering from diarrhea, see follow through qv
gustus interruptus n The sudden contraction of the spincter caused by the realisation
that the 'product' may not be entirely gaseous
H
Hershey Squirt n a somewhat chocolatey substance which appears after executing a fart
Hold Your Nose Fart n you have been warned, just think about it!
Honker n sounds like an irrate driver who is late for work leaning on their horn
hurl fart n, sounds like someone vomiting and the smell of which makes you
feel like vomiting
hydroflatus n farting underwater. The bubbles can be ignitied at the surface
I
Iron Giant n, when a construction worker farts really loud on a sheet of metal
and the metal amplifies the sound
J
jumper n emitted by children skipping rope and women during 'high impact' aerobics
K
kachoo n, v a fart you have been holding back for some time, but which escapes
loudly when you sneeze
karaoke fart n a sequence of farts comprised of tunes to sing-a-long to
knicker knocker n has enough force to blow the pants off anybody
knicker ripper n able to slice through silk like a hot knife through butter
L
laid an egg n few things in life smell as bad as a rotten egg but this is one of them
launch a loaf n akin to an airbiscuit this fart is more your sarnie (sub sandwich)
L.B.P. n Loud But Proud, an uplifting trumpeting sound, particulary associated
with Louis Armstrong (he was partial to a curry)
let off v the coast is clear, there's no one to hear, it's safe to 'let off',
especially when you haven't had the chance for a while and the
pressure has been building
let Polly out of jail v rather talkative botty burb with plenty of character
let it rip v to expel excess gas with enough force to "rip" one's pants.
lingerer n no, it still smells in there even after half an hour
lit the match v to fart so violently it actually ignites the match.
Do not try this one at home
L.O.G. v Letting One Go. Being powerless to the might of the Fart
lonesome fart n One who farts freely and wishes there was someone else
with them so they could at least be embarrassed
low rider v very low pitched and noticeable, may cause rumbling of the cheeks,
best on leather couches.
M
machine gun n rapid succession of ballistic farts
Mariah Carey v many people think Mariah is named after the wind. In fact it is
because she is like a high pitched squeal emitted from the arse
capable of shattering glass
matchlighter n a fart only released by a person by the name of Danny
Mexican Fart n you fart, then the person next to you farts and then their neighbor farts
and so on around the room, the cumulative smell of which brings tears to the eyes
mmmBop n sounds like the chorus to that Hanson song, usually occurs in rounds
monkey claw n feels like a thousand monkeys are trying to tear up your colon
(though how you might know this is anybody's guess)
musky turnip n smells like your grandmother's bedroom closet
N
nasty n, adv. particulary pungent, first use linked to bad tempered tennis star, Ille Nastase
nut knocker n, adv. when gaseous emmisions pass by testicles with too much force
O
open yer lunchbox v to let off a fart reminiscent of yesterday's egg sandwich.
one cheek sneak v to lift one buttock in order to ease the quiet expulsion of gas
P
pant ripper n the combination of corrosive gases and powerful action mean this fart is
Calvin Klein's nightmare
parp v a new manifestation of road rage, drivers release this fart when s
ome idiot pulls out in front of them
patuni n foreign for fart, possibly onomatopoeic, ie sounds like what it is
passing gas v to give gas to someone else
pedo v viento ligero que sale del ahujero y anuncia la cagada
(couldn't have said it better myself)
peeling the paint off the wall v a fart so bad it bruises your bum cheeks and fills the
air with a flagilant odor, causing the paint to exit the drywall
peep v when birds fart
peter v released during a good laugh, often accomapnied by a bit of pee
piffle n, small, feminine and baffled by the gusset
pip v tiny, almost imperceptable, fart
pipe rotter v lesser known reason for many diseases of the bowel
plopal v an uncomfortable feeling of something more than just gas
pocket frog n the noise made by a captive amphibian
poketoot n small, Japanese, over rated and everywhere
poop gopher n when you fart and a little brown fellow just pops out his head
poot n a cute little fart, often applied to yappy little dogs when they are sleeping
pop n when you feel gasier and gasier until finally 'POP!'
pop off n derived from the Russian, popov, for small inconspicuous fart
pump n adult posh name for small squeaky fart
pyroclastic flow v The fart typically moves at speeds of over 60 miles per hour (100 km/hr)
and reaches temperatures of over 800 Degrees Farenheit (400 degrees celsius).
Q
quack n bird -like in the wet, waddling sense
queef n not really a fart in the Biblical sense, this is a noise made by females,
suffice to say it tickles...aka pussy farts.
quiffer n done in the bathtub, accompanied by a blast of bubbles
R
Rabbi rattler n on Yom Kippur, to hurry up the sermon from the Rabbi so you can exit
the 'gog' to facilitate an early breaking of the fast i.e. reload !
racing stripes n tracks left in the underwear of one who 'follows-through'.
Often described as the Turin Shroud of Farts
Rapid Fire n repeat action, high velocity, as used by the Royal Marines
Raspberry n Succulent soft fruit ~ Two Ronnies style farting sound made with the tongue
Remote Controlled Fart Machine n simply the funniest gag of this or any other millennium
rhino stopper v A fart so pungent it can stop a charging Rhino. A very rare fart,
in fact there have only been two independantly witnessed 'Rhino Stoppers' in recorded history
rip n short sharp retort sounding like tearing linen
ripper n see above, now stop submitting it
ripsnorter v Very loud fart, large quantity of gaseous emmisions usually applied to pirates,
medieval kings, crazed despots and ballet dancers.
Rolling Dutch Oven n winding up the windows in the car to allow the passenger no respite
from your noxious fumes, see Dutch Oven qv
rose n your own fart is a rose by any other name
room clearer n self explanitory
Rooter n medium fart, occaisionally overheard in quiet libraries
Rumble in the Bronx n A fart that is so powerful, if you are sitting down, it will
shake whatever shelter you are in
rumbler n long lasting fart that rumbles anything or anyone out of the
way and lasts a whole minute!!
S
salsa n when your ass cheeks flap at a very high rate like you're livin'
the vida loca.....extremely dangerous
S.B.D. n Silent But Deadly, There's something in the Geneva Convention
about this one.
scooter v Someone who just dashes past whilst farting and leaving a
horrendous smell
Scud Missile n You know it's coming, but there is sod all you can do about it
scutters n, v especially wet and leaky, having 'the scutters' is a bad thing
seat sausage n, cut when seated...smells like rotten pork.
Seismic n when someone sharing the same piece of furniture exclaims,"Hey! I felt that!"
shot a bunny euph. a fart sedately dropped by an upper-class lady
shower fart n wettest of them all. Occur during showering process or slightly after.
Bubbling may occur.
silent but violent n a fart stealthy in volume yet supremely pungent in odor,
cinema goer's curse
skunk n emits a fine and noxious spray with a sssssssssss sound
sledgehammer n so smelly that when wafted into someone's face they
instantly recoil, complaining that the smell felt like a sledgehammer
blow to the nose.
Give yourself a pat on the back for this one.
sleeping fart n when you wake up coughing and fart at the same time.
soup cooler n To fart with ones bumcheeks slightly parted.
The net effect is a silent breeze suitable for blowing
over a bowl of hot soup
sneezenfart v see kachoo
Snickers blast n a huge, tremendous blast so deadly it can rip a hole through
the fartee's pants (sometimes occurs with brown chunks)
Snickerdoodle n the type of name for a fart one uses when having fart wars
sonic blast n Smell followed by sonic boom, for use only on Concorde
spank fart n happens when your Mum spanks you. The implications for future
normal development are bad
spoofy n a fart in comic imitation of someone
sputter v A rapid "putt putt putt" from the rear
squeek n so much more than just the sound a mouse makes, this little beauty
is likely to clear your house of vermin
stainer n capable of writing your initials in polycotton
stinger n combines a sound and scent with a strange sensation
string of pearls n many small bubbly farts released in quick succession
as if a string of gas pearls are being pulled from your bum
supersonic n swift and decisive squirt of air
T
tanker n sounds like a Mack Truck burning rubber, smell also reminiscent of same.
tear jerker n literally brings tears to the eyes. Good for use in a Dutch Oven
three, two, one, Blastoff n, v Three little farts followed by one big one
thrifty n one who always has farts in store
Tommy Squeaker n long whining sound, always gets a laugh when friends stay over,
but usually hums like roadkill
toothless speech, the n, v when the great toothless one makes a loud,
unpleasant oration
tootrun n three or more consecutive farts released whilst jogging
touching cloth n, v one of the follow through variety
toxic streamer n silent fainter, deadly as nerve gas, whatever you do,
don't cross the streams!!!!
traf n a schoolboy's hot gust that blows easily out of the side of short grey trousers
early on a cold February morning
trouser cough n often covered with a pretend mouth cough (rumoured to be the Queen's favorite ruse)
trouser trumpet n often covered with a brass band
trump n a jolly, social fart, used on Bridge evenings
turtle head n the uncomfortable feeling that something more than gas
might pop out when you next fart
twang n as if a Banjo resides in your pants. Results in involuntary farts
at the mention of Deliverance or George Formby
V
Very Sore Fart n when old bits of poo stick to your bumhole, then when you fart
your bum cheeks rub together and the sharp bits of poo scratch
(TMI-too much info)
W
water fart n leaves you with that uncomfortable hot feeling that you might
have peed your pants
wet one n leaves your bottom suspiciously moist
wet willy n warm, wet and powerful, responsible for much freak monsoon weather
whopper n very large fart which whops you round the head
window rattler n gusty
windy v to be gassy. n, large botty breeze, brisk at first,
gusting force 8
Worthington Wallop v happens after ten pints and ten hours later you fart
and the wife wallops you
Z
zipper n, when you have just gotten into your sleeping bag and zipped it
right up in order to fart and let it leak out slowly,
good for sleepovers
zump n short, sharp and squeaky
The Unabridged Dictionary of Farts Slang
Over 160 fart slang terms
A
afterburner n See "burnout"
air biscuit n as in "Who launched an air biscuit?"
air blast n A powerful fart that when released, makes only a loud "whoosh" sound
air buffet n Like an air biscuit, but hangs around a long time and may be
revisited many times.
air tulip n the kind of fart done by the Queen or Penelope Keith
arse cruncher n your bum crunches shut suddenly after this one
ass rumble n the ominous noise inside your body before a fart lets fly
assasination n dropping a silent one in a crowded room and getting someone else
to take the blame thus killing their street credibility.
B
Balloon fart n you know when you blow up a balloon
and then pull the neck out so the air escapes with a long squealing shriek?
Some people can do this with their bum!!
Ball tearer n more ferocious than the nut knocker q.v.
Barking Spider n The instrument through which the fart issues
Barn burner n farmyard favorite, synonymous with cow sheds
beefer n a long juicy fart with plenty of side orders
bender n when you bend over, the bowel is compressed and any fart lurking
is instantly and noisily expelled
B.P n Bad Patrol - from the gas generated by fear during military combat
Big Stinky, The n When your grandpa farts
blazer n ideal for lighting, although you didn't hear that from us
blowing heat n rather like packing heat, as in carrying a gun,
with intent to do harm
blow off n typical juvenile fart
blow your horn v quite timely of musical connotation,
Begins in Forte and slowly diminishes
blupper n when you let out a fart very slowly to be able to hear every single
clap that your bum makes
boa's belch n when your colon becomes so full of gas that it takes on a life of it's own.
Often likened to a boa-constrictor with a full belly.
The resulting burp is long and very satisfying
Boom n, BOOM!!!
botty burp n loud but of short duration.
breather n feels like a big one but upon release simply exhales
a small amount of air like a sigh
breezer n large and silent, makes curtains move, not to be confused
with the popular Barcardi drink
Bronx Cheer n farting in a rough New York bar while singing 'Maria'
from West Side Story
brown pants fart n leaves a brown spot on your pants. Judging by the number
of people who submit farts 'when you do a bit of poo in your pants'
I feel we can no longer ignore this phenomenon.
buddy n a rapid firing, bumpy fart, sounds great on a wooden chair
bum blower n we have it on good authority that this like a doorbell gone wrong
(and not in any way related to any other bottom activity)
burnout n so hot and long it fries it's own follow through (afterburner)
butt burp n American for Botty Burp qv
butt buster n actually inflicts pain as it passes
butt flapper n occurs in those with unusually loose bum cheeks
bvoy n good ferts (we embrace farts of all nations)
C
cabbage fart n sensory hell
cannon fart n and I quote, "this is a fart when your fart shoots out your crap like a cannon,"
carpet slipper n Old ladies who let one on the sly and pretend they can't smell a thing
carpet stainer v a fart so colorful it leaves a stain on your shag pile
cheek flapper n when your mudflaps go flappa-flappa-flappa
Chemist's Fart n presumably they do and when it happens it probably smells like
some kind of mad experiment
chuff v to blow smoke from one's arse al la Thomas the Tank Engine
Church fart n in church or chapel, let it rattle
Clean But Itchy adv the effects from a good feed of Guiness, (we are guessing
this one came from Ireland where they know a good thing when they feel it!)
Cockney cheers n Farting in a crowded public house whilst singing 'Knees up Mother Brown'
code blue n so pungent the victim requires emergency resuscitation
cop fart n a) fart dropped in a patrol car at the end of the shift
just before the next cop gets in b) a fart heard in the
middle of court and every cop in the courtroom snickers cos they know who did it
coughing fart n cough to cover up a bad fart. see kachoo
country cough n best done in the open air, preferably near a farm yard
covered wagon n see 'Dutch Oven' qv
crap a fart v follow through of the worst kind, you don't wanna do this
crop dusting v silently passing gas while walking past others then quickly
vacating the area leaving the others to suffer the ill consequences
cushion creeper n emitted whilst the posterior is seated on the sofa.
The sound can be defined as a walrus being suffocated by a 20 year old feather pillow
cut a walnut v mmmm, just like biting into a crisp walnut, and fulsome too
cut the cheese v as in smelling as bad as a ripe camembert
D
dog fart v to fart in the vicinity of a dog, thus being able to blame the hapless canine
dribbly n quite a scary fart, this one, due to the chance your Mum will find the evidence
drop dead fart v the opposite of Drop Dead Gorgeous
drop your guts v to smell this is to know the meaning of fear
duck tread v to have such loose control that with every step a distinct quack can be heard
Dutch Oven n to fart in bed and then push your partner under the covers
to enjoy the atmosphere
duvet lifter n an early morning fart capable of raising 13 sheets
E
eggberter n eggy, mmmm, oh so eggy!
enclosed fart n any fart released in an enclosed space, ie car or elevator. Can be responsible
for the sudden onset of claustraphobia in others
F
fahrt n German word - literally means 'it goes' therefore applied to Continental farts
fanny fart n loud emission 'phrrrts' from your front botty
fart v.i. (vulg.) Emit wind from anus. ~ n. (vulg.) Emmision of wind from anus.
fartaholic n someone who thinks day and night about farts.
Admitting you have problem is halfway to solving it.
fartattack n fart after fart after fart. Nasty.
fartcar n someone who is filled up with gas and destroys the ozone layer
when the fumes exit the 'car'
fartknocker n someone who is very proud of their farts
fartorama n Some kind of museum of farts which attracts vistors with
the following catchy ditty:
'If you got a Fart, Bring it right here, We love to hear, Anytime of the year'
feather fart n light and tickly, this one gives you the power of flight
fire in the hole adj. hot wind after a plate of extra-hot burritos
Flatulent adj. Generating gas or air in the alimentary canal; caused by,
attended with, troubled with, accumulation of this; (fig.) inflated, puffed
up, windy, pretentious.
Flatulence v. Flatulently adv.
Flatus n Gas, air, in stomach, or bowel.
floorboard lifter n can actually draw nails from planks
flotch n don't even think about doing the Tide challenge after this one
fluid drive n wet result of trying to fart too hard (or trying too hard to fart)
fluffy n particulary feminine fart, silent but ticklish
flutter blast v fart so powerful it is capable of blowing away small animals or children.
fog horn n, very loud fart capable of confusing oil tankers 20 miles out
follow through v Loud wet raspberry sound followed by a swift squirt into ones pants,
Not recommended whilst suffering from diarrhea
freep v The pathetic little fart that sounds like a trimphone (trimline or princess phone).
frit v tight nylon panties, plastic office chair
G
gas n the substance a fart is composed of, and that's more information than you really need!
gale force wind n weatherman's favorite, blows away wigs and lays the nation low
great big flowery woof woof v An on stage performance by a theatre 'Lovey'.
greaser n leaves an oily residue
guff v a relaxed release of wind, often whilst in good company.
gusse v to fart whilst suffering from diarrhea, see follow through qv
gustus interruptus n The sudden contraction of the spincter caused by the realisation
that the 'product' may not be entirely gaseous
H
Hershey Squirt n a somewhat chocolatey substance which appears after executing a fart
Hold Your Nose Fart n you have been warned, just think about it!
Honker n sounds like an irrate driver who is late for work leaning on their horn
hurl fart n, sounds like someone vomiting and the smell of which makes you
feel like vomiting
hydroflatus n farting underwater. The bubbles can be ignitied at the surface
I
Iron Giant n, when a construction worker farts really loud on a sheet of metal
and the metal amplifies the sound
J
jumper n emitted by children skipping rope and women during 'high impact' aerobics
K
kachoo n, v a fart you have been holding back for some time, but which escapes
loudly when you sneeze
karaoke fart n a sequence of farts comprised of tunes to sing-a-long to
knicker knocker n has enough force to blow the pants off anybody
knicker ripper n able to slice through silk like a hot knife through butter
L
laid an egg n few things in life smell as bad as a rotten egg but this is one of them
launch a loaf n akin to an airbiscuit this fart is more your sarnie (sub sandwich)
L.B.P. n Loud But Proud, an uplifting trumpeting sound, particulary associated
with Louis Armstrong (he was partial to a curry)
let off v the coast is clear, there's no one to hear, it's safe to 'let off',
especially when you haven't had the chance for a while and the
pressure has been building
let Polly out of jail v rather talkative botty burb with plenty of character
let it rip v to expel excess gas with enough force to "rip" one's pants.
lingerer n no, it still smells in there even after half an hour
lit the match v to fart so violently it actually ignites the match.
Do not try this one at home
L.O.G. v Letting One Go. Being powerless to the might of the Fart
lonesome fart n One who farts freely and wishes there was someone else
with them so they could at least be embarrassed
low rider v very low pitched and noticeable, may cause rumbling of the cheeks,
best on leather couches.
M
machine gun n rapid succession of ballistic farts
Mariah Carey v many people think Mariah is named after the wind. In fact it is
because she is like a high pitched squeal emitted from the arse
capable of shattering glass
matchlighter n a fart only released by a person by the name of Danny
Mexican Fart n you fart, then the person next to you farts and then their neighbor farts
and so on around the room, the cumulative smell of which brings tears to the eyes
mmmBop n sounds like the chorus to that Hanson song, usually occurs in rounds
monkey claw n feels like a thousand monkeys are trying to tear up your colon
(though how you might know this is anybody's guess)
musky turnip n smells like your grandmother's bedroom closet
N
nasty n, adv. particulary pungent, first use linked to bad tempered tennis star, Ille Nastase
nut knocker n, adv. when gaseous emmisions pass by testicles with too much force
O
open yer lunchbox v to let off a fart reminiscent of yesterday's egg sandwich.
one cheek sneak v to lift one buttock in order to ease the quiet expulsion of gas
P
pant ripper n the combination of corrosive gases and powerful action mean this fart is
Calvin Klein's nightmare
parp v a new manifestation of road rage, drivers release this fart when s
ome idiot pulls out in front of them
patuni n foreign for fart, possibly onomatopoeic, ie sounds like what it is
passing gas v to give gas to someone else
pedo v viento ligero que sale del ahujero y anuncia la cagada
(couldn't have said it better myself)
peeling the paint off the wall v a fart so bad it bruises your bum cheeks and fills the
air with a flagilant odor, causing the paint to exit the drywall
peep v when birds fart
peter v released during a good laugh, often accomapnied by a bit of pee
piffle n, small, feminine and baffled by the gusset
pip v tiny, almost imperceptable, fart
pipe rotter v lesser known reason for many diseases of the bowel
plopal v an uncomfortable feeling of something more than just gas
pocket frog n the noise made by a captive amphibian
poketoot n small, Japanese, over rated and everywhere
poop gopher n when you fart and a little brown fellow just pops out his head
poot n a cute little fart, often applied to yappy little dogs when they are sleeping
pop n when you feel gasier and gasier until finally 'POP!'
pop off n derived from the Russian, popov, for small inconspicuous fart
pump n adult posh name for small squeaky fart
pyroclastic flow v The fart typically moves at speeds of over 60 miles per hour (100 km/hr)
and reaches temperatures of over 800 Degrees Farenheit (400 degrees celsius).
Q
quack n bird -like in the wet, waddling sense
queef n not really a fart in the Biblical sense, this is a noise made by females,
suffice to say it tickles...aka pussy farts.
quiffer n done in the bathtub, accompanied by a blast of bubbles
R
Rabbi rattler n on Yom Kippur, to hurry up the sermon from the Rabbi so you can exit
the 'gog' to facilitate an early breaking of the fast i.e. reload !
racing stripes n tracks left in the underwear of one who 'follows-through'.
Often described as the Turin Shroud of Farts
Rapid Fire n repeat action, high velocity, as used by the Royal Marines
Raspberry n Succulent soft fruit ~ Two Ronnies style farting sound made with the tongue
Remote Controlled Fart Machine n simply the funniest gag of this or any other millennium
rhino stopper v A fart so pungent it can stop a charging Rhino. A very rare fart,
in fact there have only been two independantly witnessed 'Rhino Stoppers' in recorded history
rip n short sharp retort sounding like tearing linen
ripper n see above, now stop submitting it
ripsnorter v Very loud fart, large quantity of gaseous emmisions usually applied to pirates,
medieval kings, crazed despots and ballet dancers.
Rolling Dutch Oven n winding up the windows in the car to allow the passenger no respite
from your noxious fumes, see Dutch Oven qv
rose n your own fart is a rose by any other name
room clearer n self explanitory
Rooter n medium fart, occaisionally overheard in quiet libraries
Rumble in the Bronx n A fart that is so powerful, if you are sitting down, it will
shake whatever shelter you are in
rumbler n long lasting fart that rumbles anything or anyone out of the
way and lasts a whole minute!!
S
salsa n when your ass cheeks flap at a very high rate like you're livin'
the vida loca.....extremely dangerous
S.B.D. n Silent But Deadly, There's something in the Geneva Convention
about this one.
scooter v Someone who just dashes past whilst farting and leaving a
horrendous smell
Scud Missile n You know it's coming, but there is sod all you can do about it
scutters n, v especially wet and leaky, having 'the scutters' is a bad thing
seat sausage n, cut when seated...smells like rotten pork.
Seismic n when someone sharing the same piece of furniture exclaims,"Hey! I felt that!"
shot a bunny euph. a fart sedately dropped by an upper-class lady
shower fart n wettest of them all. Occur during showering process or slightly after.
Bubbling may occur.
silent but violent n a fart stealthy in volume yet supremely pungent in odor,
cinema goer's curse
skunk n emits a fine and noxious spray with a sssssssssss sound
sledgehammer n so smelly that when wafted into someone's face they
instantly recoil, complaining that the smell felt like a sledgehammer
blow to the nose.
Give yourself a pat on the back for this one.
sleeping fart n when you wake up coughing and fart at the same time.
soup cooler n To fart with ones bumcheeks slightly parted.
The net effect is a silent breeze suitable for blowing
over a bowl of hot soup
sneezenfart v see kachoo
Snickers blast n a huge, tremendous blast so deadly it can rip a hole through
the fartee's pants (sometimes occurs with brown chunks)
Snickerdoodle n the type of name for a fart one uses when having fart wars
sonic blast n Smell followed by sonic boom, for use only on Concorde
spank fart n happens when your Mum spanks you. The implications for future
normal development are bad
spoofy n a fart in comic imitation of someone
sputter v A rapid "putt putt putt" from the rear
squeek n so much more than just the sound a mouse makes, this little beauty
is likely to clear your house of vermin
stainer n capable of writing your initials in polycotton
stinger n combines a sound and scent with a strange sensation
string of pearls n many small bubbly farts released in quick succession
as if a string of gas pearls are being pulled from your bum
supersonic n swift and decisive squirt of air
T
tanker n sounds like a Mack Truck burning rubber, smell also reminiscent of same.
tear jerker n literally brings tears to the eyes. Good for use in a Dutch Oven
three, two, one, Blastoff n, v Three little farts followed by one big one
thrifty n one who always has farts in store
Tommy Squeaker n long whining sound, always gets a laugh when friends stay over,
but usually hums like roadkill
toothless speech, the n, v when the great toothless one makes a loud,
unpleasant oration
tootrun n three or more consecutive farts released whilst jogging
touching cloth n, v one of the follow through variety
toxic streamer n silent fainter, deadly as nerve gas, whatever you do,
don't cross the streams!!!!
traf n a schoolboy's hot gust that blows easily out of the side of short grey trousers
early on a cold February morning
trouser cough n often covered with a pretend mouth cough (rumoured to be the Queen's favorite ruse)
trouser trumpet n often covered with a brass band
trump n a jolly, social fart, used on Bridge evenings
turtle head n the uncomfortable feeling that something more than gas
might pop out when you next fart
twang n as if a Banjo resides in your pants. Results in involuntary farts
at the mention of Deliverance or George Formby
V
Very Sore Fart n when old bits of poo stick to your bumhole, then when you fart
your bum cheeks rub together and the sharp bits of poo scratch
(TMI-too much info)
W
water fart n leaves you with that uncomfortable hot feeling that you might
have peed your pants
wet one n leaves your bottom suspiciously moist
wet willy n warm, wet and powerful, responsible for much freak monsoon weather
whopper n very large fart which whops you round the head
window rattler n gusty
windy v to be gassy. n, large botty breeze, brisk at first,
gusting force 8
Worthington Wallop v happens after ten pints and ten hours later you fart
and the wife wallops you
Z
zipper n, when you have just gotten into your sleeping bag and zipped it
right up in order to fart and let it leak out slowly,
good for sleepovers
zump n short, sharp and squeaky
